You Again
by April Salzano

I find myself
thanking you again for the anxiety
that holds me
down for the times I wake still
myself more you
I find you there
in the hurt the disgust
the cells the gluttony monster
who comes and comes
in the kitchen
in the mirror
in old photos the center
of attention belongs to you
I thank you every time
I ache in my joints every time fear
holds me in its twisting
hands I tear and tear.
You always knew
I’d never break through
I have buried and unearthed you
I have burned and staked you have
martyred and rejected you
in circles I have chased you caught
you hit you lived for
you died beside you
left you claimed you answered
to your name done you run from
you followed you carried you
bent you sent you
away crossed you out
hated you ate you
been you I have always been you

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April Salzano teaches college writing in Pennsylvania and is working on her first several collections of poetry and an autobiographical novel on raising a child with autism. Her work has appeared in Poetry Salzburg, Pyrokinection, Convergence, Ascent Aspirations, The Rainbow Rose, The Camel Saloon, The Applicant, The Mindful Word, Napalm and Novocain, Jellyfish Whispers, The South Townsville Micro Poetry Journal, The Weekender Magazine, Deadsnakes, Winemop, Daily Love, WIZ, Visceral Uterus and is forthcoming in Inclement, Poetry Quarterly, Decompression, Work to a Calm, and Windmills.