Yes I Would
by Misti Rainwater-Lites

I would drink all your beer unless it was a beer I didn’t like. I would
ignore your cats and dogs and fish and leprechauns. I would talk to your
plants. I would play your guitar. I would sing “Mack The Knife” and
“Return To Sender” until you threw things at me. I would rip pictures
out of your magazines for collages. I would sniff your Kiwi shoe polish
and Pine-Sol and take all your Benadryl. I would wash my hands after
flushing your toilet. I would bake you a special cake but not a lasagna.
I would play with your toys and take pictures of your toys and ask you
if I could take your toys home. I would Windex your windows and bleach
your sinks and tub. I would blast “Music From The Edge Of Heaven” and
“Purple Rain” and “Odelay” and “Fever To Tell” and “Live Through This”
and “The Beauty Process” and “Abbey Road” and “Some Girls” from your
stereo. I would read you my books and poems until you threw things at
me. I would ask for directions to the nearest donut shop. I would ask
for directions to the nearest dollar store. I would get drunk and ask
you to drive me to Wal-Mart. I would ask you to buy me the newest US
Weekly and the purple package of maxi pads because those are the biggest
ones. I would make you take me to Mexico and buy me a taco and a
margarita and a Mexican bandito marionette and a black velvet Elvis
painting. I would kick your ass at Skee-Ball and Scrabble. I would get a
gun and shoot watermelons in your backyard. I would “borrow” your first
edition of The Death Notebooks. I would “borrow” your painting of Big
Foot pissing on the Alamo. I would run into the room screaming,”Your
potty just told me to shit or get off the pot in Ozzy Osbourne’s voice!”
I would knock on your head and say, “McFly! Anybody home?” I would ask
you to teach me how to play chess. I would ask you to teach me how to
play the piano. I would tap dance on your last nerve and you would be
glad as hell to see me go.

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Misti Rainwater-Lites has
chapbooks available from Kendra Steiner Editions, Deadbeat
Press, Scintillating Publications and Erbacce Press. Misti’s newest
full-length poetry collections, Blank Cake and Sloppy Mouth,
will be available this spring from Coatlism Press and American Mettle Books,
respectively.  Follow Misti’s blog, Ubiquitous Dandelion,
for updates and general goofiness.